alice in wonderland thoughts

i was talking with a close friend of mine while she was visiting last week and of course we talked about The Future. i think that even though i give off this vibe of "i've got everything figured out" i really don't. my biggest fear going into this last semester of school before internship is that i'm ready for it, but not prepared. i don't feel like i have the skills or courage to really pull this off. i've wanted to go into interpreting for only about as long as i've been in school for it and it's not a life long passion or even something i'm even that good at. and school doesn't seem to be preparing me as well as i'd hoped.

i think it's just summer talking. having too much time to think and not enough practice and next to no face time with anyone who i could practice with. i feel kind of alone in this. i have people (my parents) telling me to just work harder and why are you sitting around watching tv all day? well, you see, i don't have any way to practice my budding sign language skills with, and on top of that i don't have enough hours at work to even cover the monthly divisions of my tuition bill--so why am i doing this?!

i have much bigger plans for my life than to be an asl interpreter in colorado springs for the next ten years. and on this path that i'm going it will be at least five years until i am certified as an interpreter and can even get steady work. so things, in the time department, are not looking so hot.

i want to travel and do things that are adventurous and will probably make people think "what are you doing with your future?" i want to join the Peace Corps and go to Australia and New Zealand (LOTR!) and live in Germany or England and maybe going backpacking in Hawaii. i never want to stay in one place for long and want to always be meeting new people and seeing new places and just ... enjoying the world before it all goes away (you know WWIII is coming, don't deny it).

i guess that this asl thing can be a launching point for my "bigger and better" plans for the future, which might sound a little, um, pipe-dreamish to you all. but, in the words of cheshire cat: "If you don't know where you're going, any road will get you there."

also, i might be a bit mad.